Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Drained Walnut Whips

I don't really find the idea of infidelity sexy, in all honesty. To me, monogamy is far sexier. In fact, I think I might well have a kink for ultra monogamy. You know. The type of monogamy where you love someone forever across oceans of time and you dwell in darkness without them and they are the apple of your eye, the grain in your coffee, the walnut on the top of your whip.

And if you've got coffee in your apples and eyes in your whips, what on earth would you need another person for? It's the very idea of not needing another person that makes it so sexy, so irresistable, so unobtainable. Almost as though our default position is in fact infidelity, and we have to take great leaps and bounds of endless non-existent love in order to vanquish the I word forever.

Or something. I dunno. All I know is that when I'm writing, I don't get the same pulse pounding thrill from seeing lovers cheat, as I do from seeing them come together, be together, make it work, make it kinky...those are the things that do it for me. Infidelity just seems to sap all that for me, like sucking all the cream out of the bottom of a Walnut Whip and then eating the walnut last.

Ugh. No. Unbearable.

That being said...I do like the idea of planned infidelity. Which sounds really boring when I put it like that, as though I'm going to hand you condoms with a bored look on my face and tell you that you'll get genital warts if you're not careful. Which is kind of true, when we're talking about having sex with multiple cheating partners. You could indeed get genital warts. But ah, the beauty of planned infidelity is that, you know, you can...like...screen potential candidates.

The oceans across time couple from your glorious tale of boundless filthy love could...I dunno...ask for references from the person they want to cheat with. Scrub he or she down with a wire brush. Check them for ticks, that sort of thing.

None of which is any sexier than for really realz infidelity, so I don't know why I'm talking about it. Probably because I'm not sure what is sexy, for me, about a couple deciding to pick someone one or both of them wants to "cheat" with, as in Cara McKenna's Ruin Me or Cara McKenna's Dirty Thirty (which is really more of a threesome. I think. I don't know. Read it and find out!). Or in my own story that I no longer want to write because it bears too much of a resemblance to Dirty Thirty, and which is currently called Bicsexual because I typed it wrong when I made the Word Doc.

I know. I'm hopeless. I don't even know why I'm trying to make sense of such a thrilling, thorny, interesting beast as infidelity, when I can't even work Microsoft Word.

ETA: I totally forgot! If you're interested, my latest release from Ellora's Cave is actually out this very day, and it's about a kinky girl who likes to do some very horny things in very public places. You can get it here, for only $1.49! http://www.jasminejade.com/p-8823-closer.aspx


  1. Bicsexual! LOL. Sounds like you're penning a classic tale of balls and points.

  2. I'm a big fan of being monogamous not out of duty or fear or lack of opportunity but because you have already found all that you need.
    I even wrote a story about it once.

    Most of the time though, it doesn't have enough drama in it to make good entertainment - happy lovers are all the same, tortured lovers are all tortured in their own unique way :-)

    I loved the idea of a potential adulterer selection process

  3. Jeremy- oh, there's nothing sexier than a big, fat, juicy...pen.

    Mike- I find it more of a challenge, to make a happy couple interesting. Tortured can be just as dull when handled wrong, IMO.

  4. I don't hold any brief for monogamy or infidelity - people seem to be infinitely variaable in their tastes. I've known couples who are completely faithful to each other and happy; couples in open relationships who are happy; and couples who get off on each other's infidelities and are happy, and couples who treat each other's infidelity as a fact of life and are happy. I also have known, as I guess we all have, quite a few unhappy couples where whatever relationship they have seems to advantage one and harm the other in some way.

    I kick around with pagans quite a lot, and while I won't say they don't have their issues (a lot do, probably as many as any other social group), they do at least have a credo worth hanging on to: do as you will and harm none. It's always seemed a sensible approach to me.

  5. Wow, I feel like required reading! Discussion questions: What was McKenna symbolizing with the parmesan cheese during the ill-fated dinner scene in Ruin Me?

    I also feel totally, glib, because I am admittedly one of those annoying people-are-mammals folks who believe monogamy is an unnatural state. Don't get me wrong—societally it's the balls! I'm married and monogamous and I dig it madly. It's also terribly terribly romantic as a concept, yet terribly terribly challenging in practice.

    I'm sure there are souls out there who truly only feel that pulse-pounding sexual attraction to one person their entire life. But I believe the vast majority of us are capable (or perhaps doomed, if you desire effortless monogamy) to find many people attractive, and we then face the choice of whether or not acting on those other attractions is worth the consequences.

    Sorry to steal your bicsexual story, Charlotte. In Dirty Thirty (and indeed in the sequel I'm scribbling) the thing I adore about that couple is that they know for sure that they'll never love any other people more than they love each other. Their love is secure. But they can both admit they're attracted to others, and they're secure enough with their mutual primacy that they can explore that together without anyone feeling insecure. Well, sometimes Evan feels a little insecure, but he also gets off on that. Oh Evan. I squeeze you.

    Now Ruin Me…that's an odd duck, I know. The protagonist, Robin, is arguably pretty weak in the face of her crippling attraction to the man who's not her boyfriend. That's story frankly a bit fucked, and I'm surprised so many people have liked it! But I enjoy writing fucked, discordant stories. Uncomfortable human emotions thrill me as much as walnut whip undying devotion seems to thrill Charlotte. But if you want to read some epic FAIL-menage, by all means, check that book out.

    Anyhow, sorry, monogamy-is-easy-when-you're-with-the-right-person zealots. I drank your Kool-Aid when I was younger, but now I think I know better. Monogamy's never easy. It's often worth it, though!

  6. Hey, Charlotte,

    I NEVER wanted to suggest that infidelity was by itself sexy. I mean, some people have written that scenario, and maybe it works for me, but in my view, true cheating is painful--tortured, as Mike says.

    And now I'm going to have to go read Cara's work! (Thanks for dropping by and providing a direct rebuttal, Cara!)


  7. Cara- Totally agree, on the "monogamy is maybe not natural state" front. But that, for me, is what makes writing about passionate love between two people or even three people in some kind of for life menage situation so hot and compelling! I think it's also why I love the idea of planned infidelity- because of what you've just mentioned. That idea of a couple being secure enough to accept their attraction to others and work it into their lives is very, very sexy. Because it still retains that sense of love forever passion forever can't live without each other thing. So hot in Dirty Thirty. Oh, and thanks for such a long and well thought out response! Sometimes I feel like I just write nonsense here, so it's nice to find I've actually written something people can discuss.

    Lisabet- Oh no- I never thought you had! That's not what I wanted to imply or say at all. And I want to make it clear (which I should have done in the post) that I'm purely talking about what does it for me in fiction, not real life. I was mainly talking about what I want to write about, not what I think people should do or say or feel in real life.

    Maybe I've just not gotten my point across well at all, because I actually totally agree with everything Cara's said!


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